Where In Sussex

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…… Foreign People Who Have Learnt English As A Second Language

I speak to people online quite regularly and it’s pleasing to hear how keen many of them are to be able to speak English properly, but there are some things which really do get my goat.  Now, I can’t speak any other languages, so far be it from be to put these people down…. but they really can drive you up the wall!

1. English people don’t have “Afternoon Tea”, “High Tea”, “Supper” or have a butler.
2. We don’t give two hoots about what some member of the Royal Family has done, we don’t give a stuff who William or Harry are dating or shooting and we couldn’t give a stuff about Diana any more - yeah, it was sad, but ten years ago, most people can’t even remember her!
3. We never say “Fish ‘n’ Chips” or x ‘n’ y for anything.  The word is “AND” ‘n’ that is the bloody word we use.  The only exception to this is Rock ‘n’ Roll
4. NOBODY says “TFI Friday” - you’ve picked this up from somewhere and think it’s a phrase.  You all do it.  Stop.
5. “Quite much” isn’t a phrase we use.  It’s “pretty much” or “a lot”.  That’s it.  End of discussion.
6. Just because it says it in the dictionary doesn’t mean we use it all the time, if ever.  Try listening to real people talking; if someone who speaks English all day every day tells you something you’ve said is “not the way we say it” don’t try and prove them wrong!  We speak the language and have done, in most cases, for longer than you have been alive!  Stop trying to make things fit rules - the real English doesn’t stick to rules, it’s not Physics, it’s an Art!
7. Get your prepositions sorted out and use common sense!  You don’t read things IN a page of a book, so why would you read something IN a webpage.  You follow a course to it’s conclusion by walking or driving ON it, so when you are following a course in education, bloody be “on” that too.  I guess that’s the Americans sodding it up.
8. I probably hate the “English” shows you like to watch on TV.  That’s because most of our TV is far evolved from the crap most European TV stations churn out.  That’s why you buy our old shows and we don’t buy any of yours.  We are sophisticated in our viewing
9. A multicoloured scarf here will make everyone think you are gay.  Don’t bring it.
10. If we want to “hate” the French and Germans, let us!  Your country probably hates another country too, in a humorous manner. deal with it!

On Tuesday we took the ferry to Franceland and then drove to Belgianland to the Flemish city of Bruges (Brugge).  Nobody in the world is quite sure what language they speak there, so we used the old English trick of just shouting English words slowly, until they got the idea.

The tall building with the clock is The Belfry, a medieval tower.  It contains 47 bells and is pissed to about 1 metre east at the top, which is visible in the pictures.  The fountain is in t’zand, on the top of the underground car park.  Some pics are from the top of the local arts building, which has a viewing platform.  The skating rink in the market square is there for christmas, with a special “German style” market around the outside.

PS Eugene and Jessica were very cross with me for mocking the French waiter over the beer

It’s so funny in this country how all the time people are like “don’t leave packages/bags/whatever unattended”….. they have automated announcements at all stations, even the shitty little country ones which only about five people use each day, as if someone is going to blow up five cows and three pigs!

When I was in London with Jessica yesterday, they searched us for bombs before letting us on the Millennium Wheel, you’d certainly “spread” your message if you let one off up there!

Here in Britain, we are all actually fairly blasé about being blown to kingdom come by some terrorist or other, I guess it comes from years of being chased by the IRA through the 70s, 80s and 90s. We consider it to be more of a nuisance than anything else. The London Tube bombings were obviously a big, tragic event, but I know of only one person who tells me they wouldn’t use the tube now, and they are someone who never goes to London anyway.

London is a spoilt city now anyway, I went there yesterday, Jesus H Christ it was busy! Tourists everywhere, and this was a cold day in November. I’m glad I don’t go there much in the summer. Outside Buckingham Palace was mobbed by people of all nations. I don’t think that Buckingham Palace is a particularly attractive or grand building really, not compared to some in London, but everyone seemed to think that they had to go there. Why? It’s only one of the Queen’s houses. Do the same crowds hang about outside Windsor Castle, Sandringham or Balmoral? They should certainy declare a “closed season” for London, where it’s Brits only and people on business there.

I notice people are more interested in the buildings for “what” they are, rather than what they “look” like. This is a shame. I find the Palace of Westminster, as most people do, an impressive building (that’s, er, the one with the Westminster Clock (”Big Ben”) on it, for the uneducated), but there were lots of people taking pictures of dumb things, like telephone boxes (big deal) and the gates at the end of Downing Street (where Big Gordon lives), when things like the Cenotaph (which I thought looked great, just after Rememberance Sunday) and the beautiful views through St James’s Park were going un-photographed. I guess people just read some dumb guide book and presume that England is The Queen, Gordon Brown (although most probably still think Tony Blair is “President”), “Big Ben”, Trafalgar Square (although how many know who Nelson is/was) and the Millennium Wheel.

I had a nice day anyway, thank you very much.

Mind the Gap and do NOT leave unattended items on the platforms or train. Thank you.

Eugene, Clunk and I went to the final bonfire procession and firework display at Barcombe in East Sussex on Saturday night.

Another dry one, bit windy but good fun.  Eugene took the photos and Clunk and I were marching with South Heighton Bonfire Society.

That’s that over for another year!

It was bloody cold this morning! -8c apparently!